Tuesday, March 18, 2014

How about a good spanking?



I’m sure it would change the way they behave for sure.

And give them a good lesson.

To the grandparents, I mean.

Have you ever felt like this?

You are trying to teach a hard lesson to your child, and in comes the grandparent and spoils it all.

When my son was little, he wouldn’t eat meat.

At the age of two and half years he told me that he was not a carnivore but a leaf eater.

I blame it all on dinosaur movies.


And he would not eat meat if we wouldn’t make him.

Of course, by four he had an anemia.

Because he didn’t like to eat his vegetables either.

I was working really hard, trying to teach him to eat everything he had.

Telling him that the carnivore dinosaurs weren’t evil, it was just their nature to eat other dinosaurs.

And that it was important that we treated animals humanely but that we needed to eat that meat.

We needed the protein, he especially to develop correctly.

When I told him that his cat eats meat and kills little animals like mice to get it, he cried and wouldn’t pet it for two weeks.

So, how this relates to grandparents?

At that time we lived very close to Mikael’s father’s family.

His father has three sisters who have their own families and his parents have an apartment in the same building where they would live occasionally.

When I had meat for food, or vegetable or anything Mikael wouldn’t want to eat, he would go shopping for lunch.

He would visit his aunts to see if they had anything better.

And finally he would go to visit his grandmother who would cook him something because his mom had done nothing for him for food.

Or because the food that his mom cooked tasted so bad and his grandmother knew just how to cook the food he liked.

He was less than four years old and he already knew how to get things by sweet talking to people.

I would try to explain his grandmother why he needed to learn to eat different kind of food.

Why it was so imperative that he ate his meat and vegetables.

Not just potato soup with cheese.

Or noodles with cheese.

Or an occasional fried egg.

You can imagine my frustration when she told me that she couldn’t say no to a hungry child.

There are other occasions when I have felt like spanking both my son’s paternal grandparents.

Usually it’s because they go completely against our house rules.

Like the time when he’s supposed to be in bed.

Or giving him candy and sweets in between the meals.

Or letting him to watch horror movies or other movies meant for older children or youth.

Or thinking that swear words from a toddler were just cute.

Oh, how many times have I wanted to spank the grandparents.


He is almost ten now and when he visits his grandparents it takes us days to get back to routine.

It is not as bad with my parents because we have a better communication.

And also because we usually agree on the rules.

After all they raised me, so they have an unfair advantage.

But I still think that grandparents should respect the mother and the father.

They are the parents and they have the responsibility to raise their children.

Why is it necessary to make the job even harder?

23 comments:

  1. i used to have arguments with my mother in law on how to raise the kids.. but it would just end at a stand still.

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    1. Yes, it's so hard because we all have our own way to live as a family. And sometimes they are so different. I just wish grandparents would understand that they really need to respect the parents in this issue.

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  2. This article made me smile, it's nice to know that I'm not alone. My mother-in-law wonders why my 3 year old son doesn't eat his supper. When he pushes everything away she immediately asks him if he wants a cookie. He's so smart he realizes if he doesn't eat he will get a cookie. Thankfully at home he realizes when Grandma's not around that doesn't happen!

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    1. I'm glad to know I'm not alone also. And kids are smart, you are right. A three your old is sure to notice if he can get something more delicious by not eating. That's how they learn to deal with life.

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  3. Wonderful and interesting article you have here, spanking is slowly dying a painful death this generation, if you spank your kid, you;ll get sued.

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    1. Isaiah Joe, if you read the article you will notice that it is not about spanking children. Or spanking anyone for real.

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  4. I have found that good boundaries make better inlaw relationships. It sounds like you have some distance now between you and yours and things are better. Parenting is already difficult to have to deal with this dynamic ;) Sounds like you are doing a great job!

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    1. That is so true, boundaries are important, both with children and in-laws. And sadly the only way I managed to create some was by moving away. It still creates dificulties during the school holidays and it's sad to see my son come back home with so many issues because he really needs his bounderies because of his ADHD.

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  5. Grrr ... I feel your anguish. It's maddening when you're trying to establish some discipline, and someone else undermines it. I understand. I hope things will improve!

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    1. Thank you, Jeanne. It is hard but I hope my son will understand little by little why I expect more of him. I don't have much hope for the grandparents though...

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  6. I read an article about a mother of a child with Tay-sachs, a disease where the child dies before the age of 3yo. Life becomes less about reprimanding and providing that child the best quality of care. I have no doubts that you son will grow to be a healthy strong man. But in the meanwhile, as parents, we can get too caught up in the details rather than focusing on just having them play and be silly. I think its great that you have rules you keep in place- but maybe not so harmful for his other grandparents to spoil him a bit every now and then too :)

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    1. Thank you for your comment. I agree, we need to focus on life and let the children be children. My son has ADHD and it is very hard for him to behave and accept rules. When he gets out of his routine it can be really tough for him. It's not fun to try to calm your child down when he's crying and trying to tell you how bad he feels because he really can't control himself. I understand that the grandparents want to have fun with their grandchildren but if that fun includes wetting your bed next nigh and not being able to sleep for a week, I think focusing on life and being a child would be a lot easier without it.

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  7. I am really thankful that my children's grandparents all respect us as the parents. I do offer my parents leeway when it comes to providing my children with junk food. I know that it's their way of showing my children love and since they don't go over there often, I know that some junk food every now and again won't hurt them.

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    1. You are lucky, Clara. I wish I had that kind of communication with you.

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  8. All kids have different eating habits and stages. My kids would love one thing for a few years then hate it for a few years. As for grandparents, that is just what they do. But you should tell them how you feel or it will keep bugging you and turn it into something more.

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    1. My son is the master of eating one thing and telling the next week that he has always hated it, for his whole life. It's part of who he is. And I can understand it because he is a child and has his difficulties. But I really do wish that his grandparents could respect a bit more the fact that I'm his mom. I have tried to talk with them, but it just makes everything worse. Because then they started telling him that I was wrong in doing what I did with him.

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  9. You mean we are not the only family that deals with grandparent issues? Thanks for the post. It's very hard because you still respect your elders but at the same time you want them to respect the rules of your household. I wish you all the luck.

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    1. Yes, Pam. You're not the only one. And I agree, it's hard because I want to show respect and I want my son learn to respect also. But on the other hand, there is no respect from their part. And I don't really like to use the "in my house" rule because I want him to learn that I expect good behavior from him everywhere.

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  10. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I struggle with my husband's parents and this issue. Whenever they come for a visit it makes it harder to keep my oldest from acting spoiled. Thanks for sharing via We Like to Learn as We Go!

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    1. I feel your pain, Anne. It really is hard and especially because the relationship with in-laws always has it's difficulties. After all each family has a different dynamics.

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  11. ahhh--I feel your pain. we are having the same battle with our preschooler--just getting some good nutrition in him. Normally, my parents stick close to our guidelines...or at least tell him they will "sneak" him candy if he eats dinner.

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  12. LOL- I'd love to give a sound spanking to all my in-laws. Sometimes it's just nice to read a post where you know others feel the same frustration as you! Thanks for Linking up at "A Group Look" on A Look at The Book!

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