One thing that I find so wonderful about being a child of God is that I
don't need to conform. God always wants us to seek more, more of His grace,
more of His love, more of His care and comprehension, more of life and
adventure with Him.
In Romans 12:2 Paul says: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of
this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be
able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will”.
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| Romans 12:2 “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of
this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be
able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will”. |
I want to be transformed by God’s will. I know it’s a risk, a risk to be
ridiculed, a risk to feel inadequate, a risk to loose friends and worldly goods,
a risk to be changed as a person. At one point, I think, all that has happened
to me. And it has hurt! Oh, how it has hurt.
It has hurt so much that for a time I didn’t want to know anything about
God. I wanted to walk alone and most of all, I wanted to conform. Be just like
everyone else, part of the pattern of this world.
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| Psalm 40:1 “I waited patiently for the LORD.
He turned to me, and heard my cry.” |
But once God has touched you, you’ll always have a hole in your soul.
Hole with the size and form of God, and a longing that nothing else can
fulfill.
I know that God must have suffered to see me so hurt and disappointed.
Finally I grew and matured enough that I was able to understand that the hurt
came from the disappointment in the people around me. Not because God had
failed me.
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| Psalm 31:7 “I will be glad and rejoice in your
loving kindness, for you have seen my affliction. You have known my soul in
adversities.” |
After all I learned that God was there with me all the time. And I was
able to sing, like David, in Psalm 31:7 “I will be glad and rejoice in your
loving kindness, for you have seen my affliction. You have known my soul in
adversities.”
There was a time in my life that I would hear this soundtrack in my mind
of Halleluiah and different worship songs. Because there was no other way to
express how amazed I was by God’s love and forgiveness. I may not have been
patient as the songwriter in the Psalm 40:1 “I waited patiently for the LORD.
He turned to me, and heard my cry.” But even so, God did hear my cry. And I am
learning to be patient.
My circumstances hadn’t really changed. I still had my reason to suffer.
But I had learned something valuable, mainly that “Happiness isn't something
that depends on our surroundings... It's something we make inside ourselves.” ―
Corrie Ten Boom.
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| “Happiness isn't something
that depends on our surroundings... It's something we make inside ourselves.” ―
Corrie Ten Boom |
Sometimes I feel that I shouldn’t have to need such dire circumstances
to learn to be happy and have joy in my life. But then I remember how obstinate
I am. And I do need them. I need more and something far worse. Just like C. S.
Lewis says in The Problem of Pain: “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks
in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf
world.”
Although I have another reason to be thankful. I have finally learned
what Paul meant in
Philippians 4:6: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
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| “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks
in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf
world.” C. S. Lewis -- The Problem of Pain |
And all that pain and hurt has really paid off. The suffering was worth
it. It was worth to learn not to trust myself or the people around me, or
money, or work, or prestige, or education, or anything else of this world, to
help me in my moment of plight.
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| Philippians 4:6: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” |
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| “Be sure that the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to
Him; and one day they will no longer be a mystery to you.” C. S. Lewis -- The Problem of Pain |
I must assume that C. S. Lewis was right when he said in The Problem of
Pain: “Be sure that the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to
Him; and one day they will no longer be a mystery to you.”
I may not understand myself fully but I can be fully assured that God
does understand me, in my entirety.
After all, Paul wrote to the Hebrews 4:12: “For the word of God is
living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to
dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and
attitudes of the heart.”
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| Hebrews 4:12: “For the word of God is
living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to
dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and
attitudes of the heart.” |
