Monday, January 6, 2014

How my son taught me to be a mother

When I got pregnant I thought I was ready to have a baby.

It wasn't a planned pregnancy but we were planning to get a baby after another year.

My son just came a bit early :)

Whenever people would ask me how I would do this and that, I would be really surprised and have a perfectly sensible answer on how the books/authors/doctors/psychologist/child development specialists recommend we do things.

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
Proverbs 1:8

Well, let me tell you.

When my son was born, it was nothing like I thought.

And I was NOT ready :)

I remember how confidently I took him to take his first bath and then couldn't do it.

I had to ask my mom to help because it just wasn't the same.

The responsibility felt too big, too enormous.

My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart,
Proverbs 3:1
My son can be very difficult because of his ADHD (and it's not even very severe).

I felt there was no way to make him behave, to make him to listen, to make him to obey.

And I used to shout him harder and harder.

Honor your father and your mother,
as the Lord your God has commanded you,
so that you may live long and that it may go well
with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Deuteronomy 5:16
It seemed that I'd be screaming my lungs out and he wouldn't even notice.

Then one day, my mom said to me.

I know I failed with you.

I used to shout you and you would just shut down and I would shout even harder.

I think Mikael is exactly like you.

He shuts down when you shout him.

I don't know what you should do but maybe you should think what you would have wanted me to do when you were a child and do it with Mikael.

It made me so very humble first and made me think so hard later.

After that I have tried never to shout him.

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
Proverbs 3:11-12

I talk very slowly and clearly when I want him to do something.

I wait and do not give a lot of information at one time so he won't shut down with all the information.

I don’t repeat myself many times because it will only make him frustrated.

But I wait to have his full attention before I speak.

It has been the hardest thing to do but it is working.

I guess moms do know the best, even if they think they don't know it :)

I really think my son has been raising me, together with God.

They have shown me what responsibility means, what it means to be in charge of someone's life, future and faith.

And it's something I could never be prepared to do.

But I know that I could have never become the person I am without my son.

And I am so thankful to have him.

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